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 Blog Entry new stuff and his back

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King Evil
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Posts : 248
Join date : 2010-11-28
Age : 18
Location : Lawrence,massachusets

20110509
PostBlog Entry new stuff and his back

hey ppl im back i dont difference stufff now hey ppl i need help of you guys wht do u thnk of my new song im written

"Ooh girlllll girllll let me know if u want meh cause tht really true is tht I love yhu my Heart is filled wit all kinds of love fer you tell me if yhu want me to kiss yhu cause I will love to and you baby girl are on my mind 24 7 thts much I love yuh baby girl I just found out tht yhu are tht one for meh and tht yhu are tht girl of my life but I just know tht yhu want meh and I miss you too but girl gurl my yhur my world I need here by my side just you and I all day and nite oh girlllllll has been soo long sense I been in your room. Just you and I tell me tht u want to fight. In the bed wid me all day and nite. Ooh baby girl I just need you right now by mahh side just you and I . let me tell yhu baby I love you if I could ill be you the world and ooh baby girl yhur mah world there no point of bein alive wid ot yhu I need you I need you know.. by my side just you and I lookin at the moon in the dark.no metter were we are I happy along am with you by mahh side. Mommy I just dry your eyes I never wanna see you cry canhere to tell you I love you lalala lala laaaa baby just dry your eyes and I just want to tell you I love you."

PLZ comment i wanna knoe if you like it.
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Blog Entry new stuff and his back :: Comments

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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Mon May 09, 2011 6:28 pm by Shadow Kitten
Not fantastic. nvn"
Reminds me of Justin Bieber e.e
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Mon May 09, 2011 6:30 pm by Xaria
Reminds me of Bieber, that reminds my Bieber classmates, and my Mj fangirl are in a war at school.
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Mon May 09, 2011 6:51 pm by 2Xemnas2
EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOO WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHYYYY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Tue May 10, 2011 1:46 am by awkwardlyAwesome
Welcome back! Cool song! =D
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Tue May 10, 2011 6:27 pm by 2Xemnas2
U don't understand how much I hate that poem. U know why I call it a poem, cause its not even worthy of being a song Razz
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Tue May 10, 2011 10:07 pm by awkwardlyAwesome
Then again.....there is no background music that goes with it...maybe you can show the song with the music Evil?
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Wed May 11, 2011 2:07 pm by 2Xemnas2
yeah maybe you'll just make it a WORSE EXPERIENCE Violent
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Wed May 11, 2011 5:07 pm by Makkine
Well, everyone's saying that this song sucks, and though I don't like it much either, I feel like they should be more constructive.
First off, songs are written poetry, therefore they need to be broken up into stanzas. Also, when writing professionally, please use proper spelling and grammar. Here's how I would write it, if I were you.
Spoiler:
 

The first thing I noticed while organising this is that it lacks any semblance of a rhythm. That might just be my own disastrous sense of music, but more likely it's not. Music is rhythm and rhythm is music, so until you fix the syllables-per-word I will not take this seriously.

Another thing, I appreciate dialect. I don't care if the song is written in Ebonics, or in Bostonian, or in Cockney rhyming slang. As long as it's a good song, I'll like it. If the dialect gives it a whole new flavour, that's double awesome. The thing is, this wasn't dialect. This was Ebonic grammar with funetik spelling, text-spk pronouns, and the occasional "yhu". "Yhu", by the way, is the stupidest way to spell "you" I've seen thus far.

Okay, now, about the content of the song... It's just weird. First it's all random TRU LUV clichés stringed together with no foreseeable end. Please, for the love of God, be original. Or, at the very least, don't parrot the words "girl", "you/u/yhu", "me/mi/mehhh", "baby" and "love" endlessly. Repeating things causes them to lose meaning, remember? Then, there are some random references to sex that come out of nowhere and sound slightly non-consensual for whatever reason. They are just... Random. And not in a good way, either. They destroy the feeling of pop-love and turn it into random 13 year old boys trying to sound mature. The last part has to be my favourite. Sure, it's repetitive, but in a refrain-kinda way, and kinda sweet.

So, in summary:
-Set them up into a rhythm.
-Possibly incorporate a chorus and verses.
-Work on your spelling.
-Decide on a dialect you intend to emulate.
-Lose the cliché.
-Lose the sex references.
-Make repetition work for you.
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Wed May 11, 2011 7:13 pm by Neko_chan
WHY DO YHU SPEK LIK THS?

its annoying ><, just saying.

and what do you mean by "i dont difference stufff now"??????

and please put periods or question marks, or any punctuation?
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Wed May 11, 2011 7:52 pm by 2Xemnas2
On a scale from 1-10. Mine is.......negative fazillion
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Wed May 11, 2011 7:53 pm by Xaria
Mine is a -456778987664435540

Yep thats right, a negative!
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Sat May 14, 2011 3:09 pm by Neko_chan
my rate is...

-746585678359838487593756666666669
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Re: Blog Entry new stuff and his back
Post on Sat May 14, 2011 3:51 pm by Rawwr_Neko
That Was Horrible Like Justin Bieber To Me! This Is What I Feel Like Doing Violent bom
 

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